Every complaint a leader has about their people is a behaviour. And behind a behaviour there is always a feeling. And behind the feeling there is something people know, or think they know.
Take one you have probably said out loud: my team are not ambitious enough.
The reflex is to treat it as a people problem. Talk about mindset. Ask for stretch. Wonder about hiring.
Try it the other way round. To set a careful goal on purpose, what would you have to be feeling? Probably that reaching and missing costs you something, and that hitting a modest number is the safer trade.
And where would you learn that? Not from a values slide. From watching. From the review where the team that missed an ambitious goal had a harder time than the team that comfortably hit a small one. From the stretch goal that arrived without any extra resource, which told everyone it was decoration. From the colleague who flagged a risk early and got treated as the problem.
Here is the part that surprises leaders most. Often what people “know” is not even true. Nobody was punished for missing. But someone believed they were, told two people, and it became a fact that everyone acts on and nobody says out loud.
That is why encouragement does not fix it. You cannot talk someone out of what they watched happen. You change the behaviour by changing what people see happen next: what a miss on an ambitious goal actually gets, whether early bad news is thanked or handled, whether a hard goal comes with what it needs.
This works on almost any complaint. Nobody tells me bad news early. Nobody takes ownership. Nobody finishes anything. Each one is a behaviour with a feeling behind it and a lesson somebody learned, and each one is designed, not innate. That is a much more hopeful place to start than a people problem, because a design can be changed.
Read the full essay: thirteen things leaders say, and where each one came from →